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Author of the Month

November 2006

Interview Questions for the submissive

Interview with Desiree Erotique

AWA: How long have you been in the lifestyle?

d.e.: “Officially”, since I met my husband.

AWA: How many years or months of experience do you have?

d.e.: I experimented when I was younger, before Rob and I met. But it always seemed more of a game to most men I knew then, or at least something they were so timid about they couldn’t take it to a serious level.

AWA: What made you choose submission over Domination?

d.e.: When I was very young I had penchants for both. When I became a young woman my leanings became firmly submissive. Why, I don’t know. This is just a component of who I am.

AWA: What to you is the difference between a sub and a slave?

d.e.: The “sub”, I feel, is one who has embraced his or her submissive nature, but has not necessarily chosen a particular partner or community in which to live out his/her path. A slave is an individual who has not only embraced their nature but also pledged his/her submissiveness within the structure of a chosen relationship and community.

AWA: What rituals do you have that you and your sub participate in?

d.e.: My Master and I chose a simple lifestyle, one based on our ideals of balanced opposites. I am respectful of him, and show him this respect by attitude, e.g.: we discuss things, but in the end his decision is the final word. There are things I do that I suppose are “ritualistic”, like sitting at his feet when he’s home relaxing, and sleeping in the nude. In turn, Master is deferential to my gender, giving old-fashioned respect to the fact I am a woman and not a man. He takes out the trash, does the lawn mowing, ect., all without having to be asked. And I rarely have to wish a man was here to unscrew a contrary lid; Rob is always eager to do these kinds of things when he’s home.

AWA: Any favorite kinks?

d.e.: Well, since you’ve asked, lol.. I like it when he uses his handcuffs on me while we make love!

AWA: Do you have any advice that you would like to give to anyone interested in this lifestyle?

d.e.: The single most important thing I’d like to tell others: don’t let anyone shame you into thinking that your natural inclinations, when pursued with other consenting adults, are wrong or perverse. I’ve been asked for advice from a lot of people about how to deal with the guilt instilled by community or family mores. The modern philosophy is to react with an attitude of moral, psychological and social superiority toward anything the provincial majority rejects. Witches are no longer put to the stake, but it’s ok to crucify any lifestyle that doesn’t fit into the PC-approved view of the world. Insinuations, false allegations and myth- pandering abound about those who practice BDSM. We need to remember that BDSM has been practiced by consenting individuals at least as long as history has been recorded. It will remain a self-empowering part of human sexuality and expression long after our modern domestic relationship “experts” have gone to the grave.

AWA: What is the single most important part of a BDSM relationship to you and why?

d.e.: The relationship with my husband/Master brings me balance and fulfillment, both psychologically and spiritually. Rob loves me for who I am and I feel the same about him.

AWA: Could you ever go vanilla again? Why?

d.e.: No. Why would I want to, LOL?

AWA: Are you in a relationship now? If so for how long?

d.e.: Yes. Robert and I have been married almost 12 years, and have known one another for nearly 14.

AWA: How has your list of do’s and don’ts changed over this period of time?

d.e.: I think my list has changed little if any at all. Rob and I had a pretty good understanding of one another’s expectations in the beginning. Before we got together I never approved of a Dom burning, cutting or otherwise inflicting physical damage that requires medical attention. Unless someone is really going over the line in defined limits, I didn’t believe a slave has the moral right to cry the Abuse! just because she or he is angry or upset. I was turned off by Dominants who are so insecure they feel a need to continually boast about their knowledge. I didn’t approve of any Dominant using verbal or emotional browbeating –this is just being a bully. And I didn’t think it was right for a slave to put on a false public face just to appease his/her vanilla friends and family. I still feel very strongly about all these things.

BDSM Lifestyle Questions for the Dominant

Interview with Robert (Rob)

AWA: How long have you been in the lifestyle?

R: About 12 years

AWA: How many years experience do you have?

R: About 12 years again

AWA: What attracted you to the lifestyle?

R: My Wife aroused my interest.

AWA: Does your sub have any rituals that she must follow?

R: No, I wouldn’t actually call it a ritual. She must ask permission to speak, Must sit at my feet, ect.

AWA: What was training your submissive like?

R: Very interesting

AWA: What made you choose to be a Dominant instead of a submissive?

R: You mean you can choose? LOL

AWA: Why do you feel BDSM was the right road for you to take?

R: I’m naturally dominant, so it is kind of a given.

AWA: There has been a lot of talk from those not in the community about abuse. To you what qualifies abuse?

R: Punishment without love, dominance without respect.

AWA: How is discipline handled in your home?

R: Nothing beats the tried and true…I use my paddle.

AWA: How far are you willing to push your submissive limits? Do you find pushing limits to be important and why?

R: The question is how far is my partner willing to push my limits? She constantly tries to see how far I’m willing to let her go before I say “enough” and put her over my knee. LOL quite amusing.

Disclaimer: Because AWA believes that each BDSM relationship and/or individual within the lifestyle is as unique as ones own fingerprints, the opinions and personal views of a BDSM lifestyle expressed herein are not necessarily the views of Alternative Writers Association. AWA reserves the right to reject in part or in whole any interviews it conducts with lifestylers should AWA believe those views held by the lifestylers are not within the "Safe, Sane, and Consensual" mantra of the BDSM community.